Your Personal Style (or lack thereof)

In continuance of Justmansense's foray into the world of style, I thought it might be fun to look at some of the more nonsensical personal style choices still being made by people. Here are the ones I find hilarious, ie. the most distasteful:

DISCLAIMER: It was tempting to separate this into two blogs--one for the men and one for the women, but as I began the list, I found that a number of these transcended gender as you will notice as you read further. Therefore, in the interest of personal sanity, I combined the two. I apologize if this particular blog is longer than normal.

The Rat Tail:

Believe it or not, there are people out there still sporting a rat tail! Granted, they are usually 50 year old women who bartend in dimly lit bars in rural Texas, but they exist. If you don't live in Texas, try your local Walmart.

The Mullet:

God, but it is hard to resist a man with a mullet! First popularized by Billy Ray Cyrus, the mullet spread like wildfire through the Appalachian mountain region, made its way into countless trailer homes, and finally found its resting place in small town upstate New York. We thought it died there, but in true Darwinian form, the mullet adapted, and through the miracle of evolution found its way onto the heads of millions of plaid wearing lesbians--Viva la Mullet!

The Track Suit:

Once the garment of choice for thousands of unemployed Italian Americans, the track suit has experienced a renaissance of sorts and can now been seen on just about any unemployed American of any ethnic background. The once rigid prerequisite of the track suit being accompanied by a plain white tank top (commonly referred to as the "wife beater") and a gold necklace (generally a large cross or a name such as, Tony) is a thing of the past. Today, quality clothing manufacturers such as, Lacoste and Juicy Couture are offering a wide variety of track suits made from such luxurious materials as velvet; you can even have the word "juicy" written across your bottom on the off chance fellow pedestrians mistook your bum for something a little more on the dehydrated side.

Mis-matched patterns:

One of the more disturbing fashion trends of today is the prevalence of people wearing clothes of mis-matching patterns--for example, one might where a polka-dotted shirt with an extremely colorful skirt , or a Hawaiian type shirt with loud, plaid pants. I'm not sure when it became trendy to dress like a drunken professional golfer, but the trend seems to be everywhere. I think the thing that disturbs me the most is that these people are mocking the blind, who cannot even see to defend themselves.

Uggs and Jean Skirts:

Actually, this applies to any kind of heavy boot or fur lined boot. You look like an Eskimo on vacation who wears her boots "just in case." The thing is, it's hot out (we know this because you are wearing a skirt) therefore, your feet stink.

Sandal Boots:

Doesn't this defeat the purpose of a boot? Was there a sale at "Forever 32 B.C.?" FYI, it's 2012, ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"

Non-functional Belts:

This alarming trend of women wearing belts around their midriff scares and confuses men. If the belt isn't holding your pants up, what is it for? What are you hiding? A beer belly? Oh crap, are you pregnant? Whenever you feel the urge to wear a belt over your shirt I want you to first consider whether or not said belt would fit in the belt loops so generously provided for you by your pants, if the answer is "no" give your belt back to 1969 so Mr. Spock can finish dressing.

The Popped Collar:

Fonzi did it, so why shouldn't you? I'll tell you why, it's not four decades ago. I know that when you were pledging your fraternity there was a really cool senior who wore the collar of his polo shirt popped and in a bout of freshman, low self-esteem, you just wanted to be him. But in the real world, he was just an insecure boy trapped in a pimple free body. Today, when he hits the bar scene, he still has the popped collar, but none of the girls. Also, he has to wake up early tomorrow to open the Kinko's around the corner (he's the manager and the only one with the keys).

Glasses with No Lenses:

I can't believe I even have to discuss this. If you feel the need to wear glasses for any purpose other than to improve your eyesight, wear sunglasses. In fact, just stay home; you probably don't have any friends anyway.