Love in an Elevator

(This will be a recurring segment)

Living in NYC has given me a different perspective on elevator riding. Since all of the buildings here are multi-storey (in some cases 80-100 floors), elevators are not only a way of life, but an irreplaceable one at that. However, as you might imagine, this modern convenience has brought out the worst in some people. I have very nearly gotten in more than one physical altercation trying to get into an elevator and have certainly given people a "what's for" on more than one occasion. I would like to share some of these instances with you and you can be the judge; have I been overreacting, or were my tirades not only justified but a part of my civic duty....

ASA Institute of Technology, Brooklyn New York:

I won't get into what a terrible school this was, or how it was an incredibly horrible place to work, but I had more than one elevator scrap while working there for eight months. The school itself is not a tall building, only five floors, but the majority of students will be damned if they climb the stairs. It is also a very old building with an ancient elevator that is always getting stuck between floors. In a feeble attempt to keep this from happening, a simple "no more than five people" at a time sign has been placed both outside and inside the elevator. As you can imagine, no one gives a shit. One day, as I step into the elevator with four other people and the door begins to close, a hand slips through. The door swings back open and two young women of Hispanic dissent step into the elevator (they are in their early twenties and one of them is extremely obese). As they do so, the whole car drops about an inch. I close my eyes and sigh loudly. One of the girls presses the button for floor number one. The doors close, the elevator makes a groaning noise, moves about half a foot, settles back into the lobby and the door opens again. One of the girls presses the 1 button again, but this time, instead of letting the door close, I stick my hand out to keep them open. The smaller of the two girls looks at me. I point to the sign above her head indicating that we have eclipsed the safe number of passengers by two. She shrugs he shoulders and tells me to get out. Now, keep in mind that first of all, I work there, I'm an instructor, and she's just a student; also, I am going to the fifth floor and she's going to the first. I was here first, I tell her, you and your friend should get out; another shrug of the shoulders. I'm not moving my hand until someone gets out, I say. The seven of us stand around in silence for a full two minutes. Finally, some guy at the back of the elevator excuses himself and leaves. I am not satisfied. The girl stares at me defiantly. I'll stand here all day, I tell her. She crosses her arms and says something derogatory about me to her friend in Spanish; I speak Spanish. Are you going to get out, I ask her. I'm going to be late for class, she says. I don't give a shit, I reply. Another passenger leaves the elevator. Just as I said, I don't give a shit; I'm waiting for her to leave. You're a dick, she tells me. Fuck you, you lazy bitch, I reply. She looks like she's about to pull a razor blade from her purse, but I don't care; I'd love to pop her a good one. I'm gonna report you, she tells me. Go ahead, I say, I'm a teacher here, I'll have you expelled; your word against mine, I say. I see the look of resignation on her face. She leaves, her fat friend shuffles off too. I tell the chubby girl she can get back on, that there's room; she looks at her friend, shrugs her shoulders and gets back on. We go up to the first floor. The doors open, and waiting for her friend is the girl I kicked off; I give her the finger, I just hold it there until the doors close.