Fun with Plastic

I saw a picture of Madonna today and she looked terrible. In the spirit of making fun of celebrities for their vain and terrible decisions, I thought I would take a look at some of the more garish examples of "Fun with Plastic" in Hollywood.

Warning: The material below contains graphic and in some cases, nauseating depictions. This material is not suitable for children.

Madonna:

The Material girl is over fifty and she's clearly uncomfortable with it. Though she has managed to keep her body in tremendous shape, father time caught up with her face. The result is not so good. She is starting to look like that woman who had all the plastic surgery done to make her look like a cat (Jocelyn Wildenstein). On the upside, Madonna can now say there is something on her body as stretched and abused as her vagina.

Nicole Kidman:

I'm not even sure why she got plastic surgery; she didn't need it. Apparently though, she's a serial abuser of botox. I heard there was supposed to be a second Bewitched movie, but production stopped because Nicole can no longer wrinkle her nose.

Gary Busey:

Busey is one of my favorite human beings because his outside matches his inside; just a crazy collection of biological elements on display in no discernible order. I am literally afraid that Busey will read this, show up to my house dressed in camouflage with a turkey-baster and a car battery, forget why he's there, and ask if I have any Girl Scout cookies.

Bruce Jenner:

Poor Bruce Jenner; he's the only one in his family whose name doesn't start or end with a K. He literally went to a plastic surgeon and asked for a face that portrays perpetual disappointment in his children--the muscles in his face had disintegrated from scowling so much.

Michael Jackson:

Had so many plastic surgeries he actually had to have facial hair surgically implanted! I know he was talented, but he had some serious mental issues. A thousand years from now someone is going to come across his corpse and what they will find is a perfectly preserved face (albeit an inhuman looking one) attached to a skeleton.

Mr. Potato Head:

In a world where fame and celebrity is fleeting, Mr. Potato Head has managed to stay popular for forty years. While most of his family members have gone the way of the side dish, Potato head has managed to stay one step ahead of decay by continually recycling his facial features. Though these appendages fall off from time to time, he simply picks them back up, dusts them off, inserts them into the waiting facial cavity and moves on with life with a majesty and pride that is unparalleled in Hollywood.