If you have not yet guessed, I am going to talk about this
book, which just so happened to put me in mind of several other books (in fact,
series of books) that are offensive to me as a writer, an English major, and a
person with an I.Q. above 30. What is most troublesome is the popularity and
success of these books because it denotes a worrisome trend; the dumbing down
of America.
Fifty Shades of Grey:
This book is enthusiastically referred to by its readers as,
"Mommy Porn," and somehow, this is not meant to be a negative
description. It follows college graduate, Anastasia Steele (a hopelessly
contrived name) and her relationship with billionaire, Christian Grey (the
combination of "Grey" and "Steele" further shows a woeful
lack of imagination). Steele is a virgin who is contracted by Grey with the
intention of having complete control of her life. Now, Mr. Grey's sexual
proclivities are bondage, domination, sadism--but this is ok, because he was
abused as a child and therefore his adult activities are excusable. Anastasia's
quandary is that she is a virgin and has to reconcile herself with becoming one
of Grey's sex toys in his "Red Room of Pain"--absolutely riveting!
You can see why this is such a popular book; what self-respecting, adventurous,
intelligent young woman doesn't dream of wearing a ball gag and being whipped
while she is explored in every orifice? However, this ridiculously trashy story
line isn't the most offensive part of the book--it's the writing! The writing
is nauseating, it is excruciating to read; the writing has been reviewed in the
following terms: it "will win no prizes for its prose" and that it
"contains some exceedingly awful descriptions," yet this piece of
garbage has sold millions of copies! If the word literature heard that it was being used in conjunction with this
book, the word literature would anthropomorphize, slap you in the face, lament
its sad loss of reputation, and promptly commit suicide. And you, whoever you
are, who have bought this drivel and championed it, are the cause; you are the
cause of the death of literature.
This book is simply emblematic of everything that is wrong
with America. Its appeal as "Mommy Porn" is a realization of every
fear held by a daddy. It is the nightmare that keeps daddy awake at night--that
his seemingly lovely wife (the mother of his children)harbors fantasies of
being abused, dominated, and thoroughly violated in every conceivable way, and
if you like this book, that's exactly what you are saying about yourself.
Less shocking, is that this book is the creation of Erika
Leonard James, who found her inspiration in Stephanie Meyer's, Twilight. James actually modeled the
characters off of Edward and Bella, the main characters of, Twilight; yet another indictment of
James' lack of imagination.
Twilight:
Are you on team Edward or team Jacob? If you have an answer
to this question, I hope to hell you are a twelve year old girl. If not, I'm
sorry that you have no friends (other than your cats) and I want to tell you to
be patient because your braces and head gear will come off soon--you've waited
36 years, what's a couple more?
Again, it's not the plot line I disagree with (well, not
entirely); what sane person wouldn't be drawn in by a love triangle between a
vampire, a werewolf, and a human high schooler? Forget the retarded premise; at
least it is science fiction and not strictly bored housewife erotica. What's
truly offensive is that a woman who completed high school and received a B.A.
in English from Brigham Young University writes about as well as a thirteen
year old who scribbles in her diary at night with a flashlight, and the covers
pulled over her head. Even more disturbing is that the story came to Meyer in a
dream she had about a human girl who was in love with a vampire who thirsted
for her blood. Who the hell has dreams like that? Give Meyer credit though, she
turned what was obviously good reason to seek professional psychological help
into uncanny, and seriously un-deserved success. Continuing with that avenue of
disappointment, Twilight has not only
earned Meyer hundreds of millions of dollars, it has also netted her a
"British Book Award" (beating out the nerd loved, J.K. Rowling,
author of the Harry Potter books), and the book itself has been translated into
37 languages (a simple job for the translator); this last bit is the best
because the cancer that is Twilight,
has spread from America, infecting millions of un-suspecting, dim witted,
barely literates around the globe.
Anything by Nicholas
Sparks:
Much like the two authors listed above, Nicholas Sparks
continues to be an insult to all serious writers who have ever lived, unlike
the two above, he has done it for more than one decade. I will describe a
Nicholas Sparks book for you: Two people who are hopelessly in love experience
a tragedy, preferably somewhere warm. Which book am I talking about? ALL OF
THEM! Each and every one of his books is a recycled version of the last; just
change the name, the city, and the tragedy. Unfortunately, Sparks' extremely
formulaic and predictable stories have won over the hearts of millions of
depressed, love starved, and somewhat masochistic readers all over the globe.
This adoration has translated into billions of dollars and more than half a
dozen movie deals. That being said, at least he can write somewhat credibly
(unlike the two aforementioned authors) and that is the only positive thing I
will say about him.
As reasonably intelligent, I (and you should too) find the
success of these authors to be nauseating and endemic of our modern society.
Too many talentless morons are not only becoming rich with their pointless and
mind-numbing drivel, but are receiving critical acclaim. They are a slap in the
face to every true artist who has ever died penniless and forgotten. But it
doesn't have to be this way. Wake up America! Stop wasting your time consumed
by sex, wealth, and fame. Give your attention to those endeavors that are not
only worthwhile but enriching culturally, spiritually, and intellectually.
Disassociate yourselves from the senseless rabble! It is time for an
intellectual revolt and you can help lead the fight; put down Fifty Shades of Grey and pick up Catcher in the Rye.
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