Female Body Building

Is this attractive? Yes, to blind homosexual men who lost their eyesight in a freak accident while they were reading the latest issue of Conan the Barbarian. In all seriousness though, while flipping through the channels yesterday, I had the misfortune of coming upon a program called, Hooked: Female Body Building and I almost vomited in my mouth. I had to ask myself, why? No man wants a woman who can beat them in arm wrestling, or for that matter, beat them in general. So, if you are a woman who has a modicum of estrogen left, but you love working out, I developed a short list of tips or warning signs that it might be time to put down the dumb bells and pick up a curling iron.

1. Arms: Here's a simple saying to help you out; "Long and thin, you win--round and puffed, too tough."

2. Stomach: Think "four-pack" rather than "six-pack." A woman with a six-pack is a little too reminiscent of a twelve year old boy.

3. Legs: If the skin on your legs is so tight that the veins are literally popping out, it's time you sat on the couch with a box of bon-bons. Guys like toned legs, not thighs that look like they could crack coconuts.

4. Breasts: If you rely more on your pectoral muscles than gravity to move your breasts, stop what you are doing immediately! Furthermore, if your bikini top looks more like an eye-patch for your nipple, than a bra, you have a problem.

5. Face: If you look more like this:                                                                         than this:

6. Skin: Spray tan is not designed to help display the contours of your muscles.

7. Facial Hair: Wax, pluck, shave, thread, mow; do whatever you have to do.

8. Hands: No calluses! Moisturize until the cows come home if you have to, but do not touch a man's gent with calluses and blisters littering your palm!

There. Done. I hope this is helpful. If you have chosen to ignore any of this advice, I am left to assume you are too far gone and have no desire to mate with the opposite sex.